Posted by Danberg on 6/9 at 9:00PM
Hey everyone. I'm Danberg and I'll be filling in for tonight's recap so Stevie J. can watch the Red Wings game. (I would call it the Wings/Pens game, but whats the point?)
We open tonight's show with a recap of the ECW championship match at Extreme Rules and Tommy Dreamer's moment of glory.
After the title sequence, Tiffany introduces the NEW ECW Champ and announces that he is indeed going to pen a new contract live tonight. Dreamer's music hits and with the "big silver belt" displayed on his shoulder, the champ heads to the ring.
Tommy thanks the fans for believing in him when even he couldn't. A misty-eyed Dreamer goes to sign his new contract when, predictably... "GO!" It's Christian! The former champ hands Tommy a gift: a box of tissues. "Here you go, you big crybaby!" He also has some words for the former-former champ, Jack Swagger. "Thanks for making the match a triple-threat. I didn't even get pinned and I lost my title. Thanks, you big dork."
"CHECK ONE TWO!" This brings out the dork himself. We get the same old song and dance from Swagger of taunts of"Fatty Dreamer" and that Dreamer had no business being in the ring Sunday since his contract had expired. Swagger demands Dreamer do the right thing by quitting and giving up the title. Christian tells Dreamer that Jack is right and he should do the right thing, like he is. Christian lays a haymaker on Thwagger and the pair eject him from the ring. Tommy signs his brand new contract and has a moment to celebrate just before Christian does the same mini-swerve Tommy did only weeks before and attacks him and puts Dreamer through the contract signing table.
We go to break with a preview of our main event: Dreamer/Christian vs. The Hart Dynasty. OH THE DRAMA!! HOW WILL THEY EVER WORK TOGETHER!?!
(how am I doing so far, gang?)
After another commercial for next Monday's Three-for-All, we are backstage with Tiffany discussing some sort of accident with the crew where a "man in green" is seemingly to blame. Tiffany's attention is turned to Captain Charisma, rushing over to ask him why he attacked Tommy. Christian explains that it was a reciept for the DDT weeks earlier. (What did I tell you?) The GM explains that now that the champ can't compete tonight, she has no choice but to team him with The All-American American in tonight's tag match.
Back to the ring, it seems that "Somebody is gonna get their ass whipped," but apparently not by Mark Henry. The World's Strongest Man leads WWE Hall of Famer and current lackie Tony Atlas to the ring, and Tony is dressed to compete! We get a recap of last week in which during Henry's match with Evan Bourne, Atlas cause his second loss to the comparitively bite-sized Bourne by getting him DQ'd. Tonight it looks like Atlas is trying to make up for his mistake by showing Henry "how it's done." Bourne hits the ring and we have the bell. Atlas takes an early advantage with some basic power moves. Striker plays up Atlas' abilities by reminding us all that he once pressed Hogan in MSG a quarter century or so ago. Atlas' strategy for the match is the same as anyone up against Bourne: keep him grounded. Bourne peppers Atlas with a couple signature moves and we have a little bit of back and forth. Atlas misses a standing elbow drop, Bourne hit Atlas with a jumping armbreaker style move, which sets him up for the brilliant Shooting Star Press. WINNER: EVAN BOURNE. Yet another short lived celebration tonight as Henry attacks Bourne from behind and hits a quick Worlds Strongest Slam, leaving him layed out as Henry helps Atlas' old bones out of the ring.
After another useless "Did You Know?" segment, Vladimir Koslov is on his way to the ring. Uh oh. I see 2 jobbers already in the ring. As you may guess, this match is decidedly short. Too short to bother recapping honestly. If you have seen one Koslov squash match you have seen them all. WINNER: WHO DO YOU THINK? At least he didn't talk this time.
Backstage, Swagger and Christian share an awkward silence and Swagger ensures him he will hold up his end of the fight tonight. Christian shrugs him off and calls him a "Gearbox." Enough said on that exchange.
Break, and we come to the weekly Raw Recap, followed by a promo for Monday's 3 hour Raw. We find out the Raw Title will be decided in a Fatal Four-way! Cena, Big Show, Orton, and Triple H. It's also announced that Christian will get a chance to regain "gold" in a one-on-one with Dreamer. Good thing Swagger wont interfere or anything in that match, right? Oddly, no word on the match for the Smackdown Title.
Blazing guitar riffs and suddenly there is a ton of pink and black on my screen. Just before break Natalya Neidhart has the mic and plays up her boys. I can't bring myself to pay attention to her. Sorry.
Both Swagger and Christian get their seperate entrances and they jock for position before the bell. Swagger orders Christian out of the ring and he listens. The match starts and Christian simply tags himself in. Christian spends the first few moments of the match getting manhandled by both Tyson Kidd and DH Smith and the moment he gets any offence, Swagger tags HIMself in, returning the previous favor. Kidd and Swagger engage in a little grappling back and forth. They come to a stalemate and Swagger goes to tag his partner in, but instead shoves him off the apron. The ref counts it as a legal tag. Christian back in and just as soon as he is on his feet, he catches Kidd in midair and powerbombs him. Jack cheers him on momentarily and shoves Christian into a spinning kick from Kidd. We go to our final break of the night.
Oh god. This is tedious.
Back to action, we have a ton more manufactured drama between the 2 former champs. Christian goes in for a tag, Swagger swings, Chistian pulls his hand away and decks him. The match ends with Swagger attacking The most recent former-champ while going for the Unpret-uh...Killswitch on Kidd. Kidd quickly tags in Smith. Hart Attack on Christian. 1-2-3. WINNER: THE HART DYNASTY.
As all of you already guessed, the four heels all crowd around and attack Christian. Dreamer, though too hurt to compete, BOLTS to the ring, kendo stick in hand to make the save. No swerve here, as Striker guesses Tommy wants a fair fight for Monday. Sure thing, Matt.
Am I sorry I signed up for this job? Nah. Thanks for the shot, guys!
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